Why does it always seem to come down to the same story?
I can want or do the thing (fill in the blank) as long as I feel bad about it (or punish myself) afterwards?
Why can I not just say 'this is how it is' and not berate myself? Why can I not leave qualifications behind, even if the 'thing' turns out to not work or be a mistake and not punish myself for my decision or desire to want it in the first place?
I won't apologize for putting my well-being first. Told at an early age that I was selfish, I did everything in my power to avoid that label; that label made me unloveable, that label brought shame, that label brought with it shoulds and ought tos that were, at times, unbelievably hard to maintain. For too many years, I put me second.
Tracy Kelly is a writer and artist from London, Ontario Canada who manages Anxiety, Depression and Fibromyalgia.